


Scars

by Arghenthia



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Niles has a lot of feelings and doesnt know what to do with them, Rune carving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:57:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arghenthia/pseuds/Arghenthia
Summary: Standing behind him, Niles looked at the pale and clean skin of Leo’s back. He had been fighting for years and his body bore some marks of it, like and oblique cut on his shoulder from a hand axe that had pierced through his armor, or another from a lance that had found his way through the plates on his side. Every single one of those scars represented a failure for Niles, a time in which he couldn't protect his lord. In a certain way, the scars that he was going to give him that day were no different: they were still his fault.When Niles almost dies in battle to protect him, Leo decides to use an ancient magic to be sure that something like that never happens again.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by this beautiful art from @shazari ! https://twitter.com/shazari/status/889691165980860416
> 
> I am so happy to have been able to write about such a beautiful concept :D
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Niles had always been used to sleeping very little, or sometimes not sleeping at all. 

When he was a kid and his only goal was to survive another day, he roamed the streets during the day to find food and shelter. Even when he was lucky and could find somewhere to sleep, most of the times sharing it with other homeless people, he woke up at every little noise at night, in constant fear of being assaulted. 

That had changed when he had joined his first gang of thieves. Thieves acted at night and crawled back in the darkness of their hideout at the first signs of the city waking. With the safety of a group and a solid shelter, Niles managed to get some hours of sleep, lulled by the noises of the crowded streets and the daily activities of better folks than him. This had been his routine for most of his life, until that one last fateful night as an outlaw.

Getting used to an honest life again, in the dim light of the nohrian days, had been hard. For a long time he had trouble sleeping in the dead silence of the night and occasionally he still had, like that night.

He’d been lying awake for what felt like hours, listening to Leo’s breathing as he slept next to him, admiring his peaceful expression. He was a delight to watch and Niles always felt blessed to have the chance to see him like that. His lord looked so young without his usual composure, so innocent in his delicate features. Niles could never grow tired of such a sight.

As if sensing his stare, Leo grimaced in his sleep and turned his back at him. 

Unlike Niles who usually slept naked, it was rare for him to sleep without his bed clothes, but the unusual heat of that summer had won over this habit of his. Niles’ eye got captured by the thin lines that composed several runes carved on his skin. Niles had drawn them himself several months prior, at Leo’s request. 

It was a conflicted memory, but still one of the fondest Niles had. How could it not be? It was that one time that brought them together at last. 

The night was still long, so Niles let the memories flow, to keep him company instead of sleep…

***

It was supposed to be an easy battle, or at least that’s what everyone kept saying once the strategic meeting was over. 

As Leo explained the tactic to him and Odin, the night before the battle, Niles considered it easy too. Just attack the enemy directly with the main force and then cut its retreat from behind, oldest strategy in the world. As Prince Xander and Princess Camilla guided the assault, Leo’s regiment had to reach the back of the battle unnoticed to trap them. With magic hiding them, that was supposed to be a piece of cake too. Those rebels didn't stand a chance now that they had provoked King Garon so much that he had sent the main force to deal with them. 

As they advanced quietly, covered by artificial fog, they didn't expect to be ambushed by enemy reinforcements. 

Niles saw the faint light of the distant spell only with the corner of his eye. He didn't know that the spell was aimed at Leo, but he still didn't have to think: his body was already moving to shield his lord before he could consciously formulate the thought. As the spell struck him down, he contemplated how it had been a real fortune that the mage had been on his left side, so that he could have spotted him with his good eye. 

He realized he had fainted only when he woke up, some time later. The pain got to him all at once: an acute and continuous burning sensation all over his chest that almost eclipsed all the other minor aches that littered his body. It was hard to breath, every intake of air an agony. That hardly mattered though because Leo was leaning on him, calling his name, and he looked unharmed.

“Niles, can you hear me?” he managed to grasp. His head hurt too, probably a consequence of falling from his horse, and he felt like he was inside a big bubble. The noises of the battle around them were far and so was Leo’s voice.

He tried to answer, to tell him not to think about him but to keep himself safe, but he ended up coughing blood instead. 

Leo’s eyes widened in fear as he immediately lifted his back so he didn't choke. He kept him up with one arm, while his other hand was delicately placed on the wound. He could feel the light tickling of magic, but he had no idea what Leo was doing with it. As far as he knew, his lord had no practical knowledge of healing magic and, even if he did, he didn't carry a staff.

“Don’t talk,” Leo said, his voice forcibly calm, unnatural. He could feel him trembling as he held him. “I sent Odin to find Elise. They should come back soon. You’ll be fine, just stay with me.”

Niles shook his head, trying to force the words out. If he was dying and Odin was away, who was protecting him? How could Odin even leave him alone in the middle of the battlefield? “You… safe…” he wheezed. 

“Don’t fidget! I’m trying to keep the wound sealed with magic but it’s precarious and it’s taking all my energy already.”

Niles stilled himself and then gave Leo a pleading look. This time, Leo shook his head at him. “I’m not leaving you. Besides, we are not in the middle of the battle any more. We sent an emergency signal and Camilla’s wyvern regiment came to aid us. The ones that attacked us are dead and the ones that remained from our regiment went to join the main force. They should be some miles from here at least. The strategy failed, but we can still crush them by force alone.”

He was lying. Niles could hear them clearly now: the clangor of swords and shields and the stamping of horses, the human screams of rage and pain and the cries of the wyverns that fed on their flesh. They weren’t as far as he was saying. 

Leo was panting, his face pale and his forehead glossy with sweat. He was shaking harder now, probably for the effort of keeping the spell active. “Damn, why is Odin taking so long? I even gave him my horse so he could be faster.”

Niles turned his head so that it was resting on Leo’s shoulder armor. The cool touch of metal was a brief relief to his sour head before his hot skin heated it up. Every minute that passed was one more chance for them to be found, a perfectly defenseless prey, and there was nothing he could do to change the situation. Leo should have left him behind and continued with the remaining soldiers. He should have been leading his regiment to their enemies’ ruin as settled, not kneeling on the blood-covered soil beside him. Why did he think he was deserving of him risking his life for the faint chance of him surviving? What if they both ended up dead or worse? Leo would probably be captured if someone recognized him, surely he must have known. It was unlike him to act so irrationally and it was painful for Niles to watch, especially since it was because of him. If he had died immediately, nothing of this would have happened. It was his usual bad luck.

After what seemed like an eternity, Niles could feel Leo’s spell fade away and blood beginning to flow again on his skin. As if his consciousness was flowing away along with it, Niles’ mind fogged and he felt like falling asleep. He guessed that it was finally it.

“No…” Leo said, sounding the most broken Niles had ever heard him.  
At some point Leo had put him back on the ground and he was now pressing on the wound with something, trying to stop the bleeding physically this time. “Niles, listen to my voice, stay with me!”

Niles wasn't afraid of dying, but hearing Leo calling for him so desperately hurt him deeply and unexpectedly. He had never thought that his death would have such an impact on him. He had always believed that no one would have cared if he were to leave the world of the living and that was how it should have been. He didn't deserve any care, nor he was worthy of being cried upon. Protecting his liege was what he lived for: he wouldn't have it any other way. 

Leo was leaning on him again and his beautiful face was all he could see. He could have died happily knowing that was the last image caught by his eye. “Please, don't leave me.”

Were those… tears? Niles whished he could have raised a hand to dry them. Don’t cry, Milord. You’ll find someone better than me, someone worthy of you. 

Suddenly, Leo lifted his head to look at something Niles couldn't see. Relief washed over his face and then he quickly dried his tears with the back of his hand, leaving a trail of blood on his cheeks. “Elise is here. You’ll be fine” he told him. But by then Niles was already drifting into unconsciousness.

***

Niles was more than surprised when he woke up and realized he was still alive. 

He slowly opened his eye and, once it got used to the light, it took him some moments to recognize the place. He was in the castle infirmary, back at the capital. He must have slept for several days, at least all the journey back home. 

It suddenly hit him that he had to check on Leo, to make sure he was alright. Without thinking he tried to sit, but a jolt of pain on his chest put him immediately back down. The pain was severe, even for him who was used to endure hurt and injuries, and there were thick bandages draped tightly around his torso that made it difficult to catch his breath. He lied on the bed motionless for several minutes, until the pain became more or less bearable and the sensation that he was suffocating disappeared. He wanted to call for someone but his throat was dry as sand and there was no way he could manage to get the water that sat on the night-stand. He settled for waiting since someone had to come check on him eventually, to change the bandages and such. 

There was nothing he could keep himself busy with, nothing to keep him from sad thoughts and overthinking, and the weight of what happened started falling on him. He had really thought he was going to die and, even if he hadn’t been that affected on the spot, thinking about it after it was all over was a whole different thing.

Niles had been close to death many times in his life, surely more than he could remember, but this time it had been different.

It had been nothing like the time he had lost his eye and had been sure that the wound was going to get infected and kill him in atrocious agony. He had been terrified then, because he had been little more than a child and he hadn’t wanted to die, especially in such a horrible way. He had also been full of hatred towards the person who had come up with a severe punishment like that for his little mistake. It hadn’t even been his fault: he had just been following orders.

This time, fear and hatred hadn’t touched his heart even for a second. 

It had been nothing like the first time he had met Leo either. That time he had embraced the idea of death as liberation from a painful life, a life unworthy of being lived. He had felt useless, so worthless that even the ones he considered his friends had left him behind. There was no reason for him to keep fighting.

This time he knew he could be useful and that his lord could benefit from his presence. He was worthy as long as he could serve the only person that had ever put trust in him. This time he had accepted death because it was meaningful. He hadn’t been afraid nor desperate, just determined to protect his lord with everything he had. Leo had already given meaning to his life, so why couldn't he give meaning to his death too?

Selfish, he thought, remembering Leo’s tearful expression as he begged him not to leave him. He had never seen him so desperate before, so broken. It was absurd, but maybe he had underestimated how important he was for Leo. 

It was not like Niles had not noticed all the little kind gestures Leo had for him, how he would smile more and relax when there was just the two of them, how he frequently stole glances of him when he thought he wasn't looking. Not only he had noticed, he had treasured every single one of those moments in his heart as, at the same time, his mind tried to think nothing of them. Leo was kind to the few people he cared about, of course he was kind to him too. Leo knew he was there to protect him and that he would not judge him, that was why he felt comfortable enough to let his guard down around him. Niles knew he was handsome in his own way, he captured many glances and his lord certainly wasn't made of stone. All of this didn't mean Leo felt something for him, let alone love him. Niles’ heart already beat for Leo, there was no use in fueling this helpless sentiment further.

And yet how could he reduce to nothing the fact that Leo had cried for him, begged without holding anything back? There was no logical denial to that. It made his heart hurt of the sweetest of pains.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't realize Elise’s presence until she almost jumped on the bed to greet him overenthusiastically. “You’re awake! I’m so happy!” she exclaimed.

Even if her loudness pierced through his groggy head and his chest hurt from the sudden jolt of the bed, Niles couldn't help but smile weakly at her. It was not everyday that someone was this happy to see him and not even him was able to resist her contagious excitement. “So it seems” he said, or tried to since his throat hurt and his voice was hoarse from disuse. He coughed and Elise promptly fed him some water, forcing him to drink slowly. “I suppose it’s you I have to thank for saving my life, Princess” he continued once he felt better. 

“I just did my best, as always!” she said, but she was smiling proudly. “You have to thank Leo too though, if he hadn’t bought us time to arrive with his spell I wouldn't have been able to cure you.”

“I’ll be sure to do that” he answered. “Is Lord Leo alright?”

“Oh, he is fine. He was just exhausted and upset but he wasn't wounded in any way. I am more worried about you. How are you feeling?”

Niles was relieved to know that his lord was alright, but something in Elise’s voice told him there was more she wasn't telling him. It shouldn't have been something really bad, otherwise Elise wouldn't have been her usual carefree self, so he decided to ask her again as soon as the conversation about his health was over. He needed to know the details of his recovery and when he would have been able to get back to serve Lord Leo too. “I feel as if an entire army of knights ran over me. What happened exactly?”

“You were hit by a thunder spell. You’ve been lucky that it missed your heart or it could have stopped it! Still it’s a pretty nasty wound, deep and with burns all around it. You will have to stay here for some weeks to recover. Don’t worry, I promised my brother I would have taken good care of you and I will!”  
Niles sighed. He hated the idea of lying there, being useless for weeks. “Isn’t there some kind of spell that accelerates the healing?”

Elise sat on the bed, her feet swinging back and forth. “You don’t know anything about healing magic, do you?”

Niles had to admit that no, he didn't. He had learned a bit about battle magic from watching Odin and Leo and listening to their conversations, but healing magic was a complete mystery to him. 

Elise smiled again, this time amused. “Then leave that part to me and think only about resting. I’m afraid there is no way you can escape our next weeks together.”

She winked and Niles suddenly felt a chill down his spine. She looked way to eager to spend time with him and he begin to suspect that she had plans. 

Last time he had been alone with her, babysitting her under Leo’s orders so she wouldn't bother him, he had ended up with ribbons in his hair, painted nails and cute drawings all over the skin of his arms. Luckily, Leo had saved him before she could pour him his fourth cup of tea. His lord had laughed for the next half an hour upon seeing the state he was in.

“Alright, alright” he said. “I guess I’ll have to thank your generosity and accept whatever game you will want to play this time. Don’t go too hard on me though: I’m a weak, wounded man, remember?”

Elise grinned. “Don’t worry, you’ll have fun too, more than you usually have with Leo for sure.”

“Are you not going to tell Lord Leo I woke up?”

Elise’s smile faded from her lips and she dropped her eyes to her lap. “Well, I would but Leo is not here at the moment.”

Niles worried at her sudden change and pressed her for more information. “You mean, he’s not in the castle?”

Elise nodded. “Of course, I’ll tell Xander to send a messenger to him to tell him you woke, but it’s late and usually they don’t travel after dark.”

“Where is he exactly? Is he with Odin? Does he have a proper escort?”

The girl looked at him with wide eyes. “I don’t know the details… No one ever tells me about this serious stuff. I know Odin is with him though. He promised me to show me his new super secret dark spell but he told me that it had to wait because they had to leave.” 

Niles sighed. “Just tell me what you know.”

“Well… After the battle, the other healers and I did all we could to save you, but we didn’t know if you were going to survive. You had lost so much blood and you were so weak that your breath barely clouded a mirror. I told you Leo was upset, right? That is reductive: he was more like very, very, very upset. He didn't want to leave your side and we couldn't make him eat or rest. It was really scary seeing him like that, even if Xander told me that it was understandable. He said he had lost retainers in the past and that it had felt a great pain for their deaths. I think I would cry a lot if Effie or Arthur were to die too.”

Niles’ chest tightened picturing Leo watching over him as he slept. The last thing he had wanted was to cause his lord to suffer, but it seemed it was exactly what he had done. 

“Since we couldn't let our father or the court see him like that and since it wasn't doing him any good to keep waiting for you to wake up, Xander decided to send him away on a mission, somewhere to the east” Elise continued. “Keeping himself busy was best for him, even Leo understood it before leaving. He seems to be doing better, at least from his letters.” 

So much had happened while he was out that he suddenly felt frightened. “How long did I sleep exactly?”

“Almost two weeks.”

“Two weeks…” he repeated.

Elise stuck her tongue out at him. “You really got us all super worried, you meanie! I was beginning to think you’d never wake up! But you did in the end and that’s what matters. I’m sure Leo will be overjoyed to know and that he’ll run home as soon he can to see you.”

Elise’s optimism was so bright that he found himself smiling again. Hers was an endearing thought and Niles didn't really know if he could play it cool if Leo really did that. Would Leo cry out of joy as he cried in pain and fear? It was highly improbable but he kept thinking about it even after Elise left. He had almost died so he could allow himself to indulge in some consoling thoughts, right?

The truth was that even seeing Leo smile would have been enough, the best welcome back gift he could ever receive. 

***

Even after receiving the good news, Leo didn't come back to the castle.

“I don’t understand” whined Elise after she told him what Leo’s decision. “He said something about an interesting type of magic he found and that he wants to study it. He wrote to inform Xander that he’s probably staying a few weeks, until he’s satisfied. What an idiot!”

Niles wasn't surprised, still he couldn't help to be a little disappointed. A small part of him really had hoped for Leo to come back to him to celebrate his return to the world of the living. “He’s still Lord Leo: you can’t expect him to turn down the opportunity to study something new” he said casually.

“But after being that upset the first days this is definitely weird. I don’t understand him at all…”

Elise obviously didn't know Leo as well as he did. Leo didn't like to show his feelings, especially the ones that in his opinion made him look weak like affection or fear. Niles was even surprised that he had let his siblings see him in the state Elise had described. If he had really been as upset as she had said, it was only natural for him to keep distances until he could muster his usual composure again. Now that he knew Niles was going to be alright, he needed time to bury his emotions again under his indifferent and sometimes cold appearance. Niles was even wondering if he had made up the new magic he was studying just to buy some alone time. “He probably just needs some time to process what happened, just like Prince Xander said. Don’t be too mad at him.”

Elise seemed only partially convinced, but still she dropped the subject.

***

There wasn't much for him to do, even after his injury let him stand and fend for himself, so he spent the next three weeks resting and healing. 

In the end, he was glad that Elise was there to keep him company, occasionally along with Effie or Arthur. Even if he had to endure her games and her endless tea parties with her army of dolls, it was better than be left alone with his thoughts all day. 

After the first week, he began to wonder if Leo was actually telling the truth about that new magic he supposedly found and after the second he was definitely convinced of that. It was a lot of time to just metabolize his feelings, so he was surely busy with something. Was that magic more important than him? Did he just imagine that Leo cared a lot about him after all? 

Leo’s letters arrived regularly, so that meant he was doing fine. That was probably all Niles should have cared about. 

When the news that Leo was coming home at the end of the third week came, he didn't know how to feel. A mixture of relief, worry and anticipation washed over him because he didn't know what to expect. He almost hoped that his lord would behave normally, as if nothing had happened. Going back to what it used to be was a much better scenario than all the ugly ones his mind kept conceiving. 

By the day Leo was supposed to come back, he had left the infirmary and could walk around with ease. The wound still hurt when he tried to stretch his arms and back, but it had healed well, leaving a long, white scar on his stomach. Niles didn't really care about it since it was one among many that already had littered his skin before. The only thing he cared about was to get back in shape so he could fulfill his duties as Leo’s retainer, so he had picked up his bow again as soon as he had been able to. 

It was hard and painful to draw back the bow string. The skin would tense and pull at the wound, making it difficult to maintain the position, but he was glad to find that his hand was still firm and his aim precise. Elise had told him that the skin would need time to regain its old elasticity and that he needed to go easy on it at the beginning. He had decided to listen to her advice, because overexerting himself would have only postponed his goal. 

He was practicing when a guard came to inform him that Leo had returned and that he requested his presence that evening after dinner. He would have preferred to see him immediately, to get it over with, but of course he couldn't protest his lord’s orders. When the time came, Niles knocked lightly on Leo’s door and waited for his permission to enter. A moment passed, then Leo’s voice told him to come in. 

It was a dark night, as most of the nights in Nohr were, and the room was lit only by various candles scattered here and there. On the floor, near some of them, several books lied open, full of symbols Niles couldn't even begin to understand. If that was a different magic from Leo’s usual one he couldn't tell, but whatever that was, he knew Leo had been very busy with it just by the level of the mess. “You called for me, milord?” he greeted neutrally.

Leo was perusing critically a complex circle of symbol that was painted on his desk, with candles and herbs placed around it in a pattern. “Ah, Niles. Yes. How are you feeling?”

Leo’s voice was casual and, when he looked at him, his expression was calm and controlled. Niles knew his lord enough to know he was faking it and that something was definitely off. Did he conclude too that going back at how it was before was the best solution for them, at least for the moment? Half relieved and half disappointed, Niles mustered one of his usual calm smiles he reserved for him. “I am almost healed and I’m glad I’m alive to serve you another day, Milord.”

Leo didn't smile back. His eyes dropped to the ground for a moment and he looked almost hurt by his words. His expression got back at being neutral so fast that Niles thought he had imagined it. Did he say something wrong? 

Niles took some steps closer to him and, when Leo turned his head towards the ritual again and the candle lit his face properly, he noticed how tired he looked. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. “Milord, are you feeling alright? You don't look well.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Maybe you should get some rest…”

Leo glared at him. “I said I’m fine, Niles” he said, with a tone that didn't admit replies. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. I didn't call you here to exchange pleasantries though. I have a task for you, come here.”

So much for acting normally, Niles thought as he approached his lord. He eyed the strange ritual again but it didn't make much more sense even up close.

“While I was away,” Leo began, “I found a man who sold some rare enchanted weapons, of a facture I had only seen drawn in ancient books. Do you know what runes are?”

Niles shook his head.

“Runes are symbols that can be infused with power to grant a weapon, an object or a person a certain enhancement of effect. For example, you can enchant a sword to make it lighter or an armor to give it the ability to repel fire. You follow?”

“Yes. Sounds interesting” he commented. He wanted to encourage the conversation because magic was something normal for Leo to talk about. After the cold reply he got from him before, he desperately wanted things to be normal.

“Indeed. It was an opportunity I couldn't miss so I asked the man to teach me, but he was really stubborn in his refusal. There are very few people who master this kind of crafting and, since it can be quite profitable, he was very jealous of his secrets. Anyway, with a little persuasion and money, I managed to extract some notions from him, enough for what I have in mind. I need your help with the carving.”

“Me? But milord, I know nothing of crafting. Shouldn't you call a blacksmith?”

Leo looked at him again and this time his gaze had a strange intensity to it. “You misunderstand me. I am what the runes must be carved on.”

Niles fell silent for a long moment. “You want me to carve them on your skin?”

“Exactly. We are facing lots of powerful mages lately and too many people in the army are almost defenseless against them. I have seen too many people get injured or die and I don't want it to happen to anyone I hold dear. That’s why I thought about a counter-measure: if I protect myself against these foes and sense their magic in time I can take them down before they can do harm.”

He moved to pick up a piece of paper from the desk and showed him several symbols that were drawn on it. “These are the runes I’m talking about. I know you are very skillful with the blade, that’s why I chose you for the task, but I’m going to ask you anyway: do you think you can do it?”

Niles looked at the symbols, still incredulous of what his liege was asking of him. “I… think so” he replied hesitantly.

“Good. While you do your part I will keep the ritual active to that power is passed to the runes. If you draw them well they should cicatrize on their own as magic seals them, but I’ve prepared water, towels, bandages and healing balm just in case.”

He pointed at the various objects then took what looked like a very sharp knife and handed it to him. He looked so calm, as the idea of what he was asking didn't scare him in the slightest. He was probably just pretending, but Niles never failed to be amazed by his lord’s self-control. 

He took the knife, thinking of the best way to confront him. The possibilities of him out-talking Leo were almost none, he was much better at words than Niles, but he had to try. His heart was beating fast at the fact that it was him who had caused Leo to elaborate such a plan. He could come up with the most convincing excuse, but Niles knew better: this was Leo’s way to cope with what happened to him, as presumptuous at it might have sounded. People had always died because of mages, it was nothing new, but this time it had been close to him. Leo had been affected deeply by it and he had responded in the only way he knew: rationally, logically. Although Leo probably really wanted to protect everyone he held dear with these new powers, Niles just couldn't accept that he was the reason behind this decision. It felt too extreme and he wasn't worth it, he had just been doing his job.

“Wash your hands before starting and clean the blade on the flame of the candle” Leo told him. “Any questions?”

Niles hesitated. He didn't want to bring forward what happened or make false insinuations: arguments never ended well when people called Leo out on his feelings. He didn't want to upset him or he would lose for certain. All Leo needed to do was to command him to do it and Niles would have had to comply. He had never thought that Leo having power over him would have turned out to be a problem. If only his feelings would stop messing him up…

“Is this really necessary?” he said at last.

Leo clearly wasn't expecting him to protest. “Have you been listening to what I just said?”

“Yes but what I mean is if it’s necessary for you to do this. It’s understandable that you want to protect your dear ones, but they already have people who do that and putting yourself in danger is not a solution. If these mages really are a problem then let someone else exploit this valuable discovery. I’m sure those runes can be applied to others as well. We have tones of good soldiers who can substitute you in this task.”

Niles would have offered himself but he didn't want this matter to become about him so he remained vague.

“I don’t trust anyone else with this and beside I have people who are supposed to protect me too, don’t I? If I find myself in danger, which is pretty common in battle I think, I’ll trust you to be there for me”

Leo knew exactly what to say to trap him. “I would never leave your side, milord.”

“I know.” Leo smiled at him. Damn. “Think about it this way: these runes will protect me, whether I engage mages voluntarily or they engage me. It’s like another layer of armor.”

Niles stayed silent. He could not oppose such a judicious argument. He had been a fool in thinking he could convince Leo by reasoning with him. 

“What’s wrong, Niles? I thought you would even have enjoyed it. I know you like hurting people, I saw it.”

Not you! Niles thought. “Not the only one I’m sworn to protect” he said instead.

“But you are protecting me with this!”

Niles paused and then decided to use the truth as his last resort. “All of this is because of what happened to me, isn’t it?”

Leo blushed slightly and looked away, looking almost indignant. “Why did you have to bring that up?”

“Because it’s the truth.”

Leo crossed his arms but, when he spoke, he did it softly, as if it pained it to admit what he was saying. “I… I can’t deny you’re one of the people I want to protect.” 

“Protecting me is not your job.”

He realized how harsh he had spoken when Leo looked at him in disbelief. It was very rare for Niles to talk back and, even when he did, it was never this vehemently. This time though it was personal. 

“Protecting you is what I want.” 

“I don’t want you to.”

“Well, too bad you can’t tell me what to do!” 

As Niles had thought, this was escalating quickly and badly. He forced himself to speak calmly. “That’s true, but I can humbly ask you to think again about this. I am so not worthy of such a gesture.”

Leo sighed and then gave him an exasperated look. In that moment he looked even more tired. “Listen, Niles, I already made my decision. If you don’t want to do it just tell me and I’ll find someone else for the task. I’ll even carve them myself if I have to. Is that what you want?”

“No,” Niles said immediately. Picturing someone else doing it was even worse. At least Niles was confident he could do a good job.

“Then, can we please proceed? We’ve wasted enough time already.”

Niles knew he had lost, but he had to try one last time. “Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?”

“No.”

“Alright then” he surrendered at last.

Niles freed himself from his cape so that it wouldn't hinder him and then did as Leo had instructed. As he waited for the cleansed blade to cool down, Leo unlaced his vest and threw it on the bed, remaining naked from the waist up. Niles didn't miss his red cheeks as he turned his back to him to face the ritual.

“Did you have something for the pain?” Niles asked.

“No, I need to be lucid to maintain the spell so I can’t take any drug that could compromise my magic. But you know me: I have a good resistance to pain.”

Niles knew indeed. One scene was particularly impressed in his mind: thirteen-years-old Leo calmly cutting his palm and spilling his blood in a cup for him to drink, the day of the ceremony that officially made him his retainer. He hadn’t even flinched when the blade had bitten his skin and Niles had almost been convinced that that child couldn't be human. Although, this was nothing like that time, nothing like getting wounded in battle. This was not the sharp pain of a clean and swift cut but a slow and precise incision, more akin to the long agony of torture. 

Niles didn't voice that thought because he was sure that Leo knew already and didn't care. “If you say so” he said instead. 

Leo put his hands on the desk, giving him full access to his back. With a slight vibration of the air around them the ritual activated and Leo nodded him to begin.

Standing behind him, Niles looked at the pale and clean skin of Leo’s back. He had been fighting for years and his body bore some marks of it, like and oblique cut on his shoulder from a hand axe that had pierced through his armor, or another from a lance that had found his way through the plates on his side. Every single one of those scars represented a failure for Niles, a time in which he couldn't protect his lord. In a certain way, the scars that he was going to give him that day were no different: they were still his fault. 

He wondered how little he could make them without risking mistakes. 

His heart was hammering in his chest at the closeness, but the hand that he raised to stretch the skin was firm. He had never touched Leo so intimately before, though he had desired it for a very long time. It was wrong for him to do it. All of this was wrong.

He forced himself to make contact and Leo’s skin jumped at the touch. “I didn't do anything yet, milord” he teased, because the tension was killing him.

“I know, just get on with it!” he replied, piqued. 

Niles stretched the skin lightly and then laid the point of the knife on Leo’s skin, not hard enough to break it but enough for him to feel the sting. “Here?” he asked. Since the runes were several, had figured that the two sides were ideal. He only had to avoid the shoulder blades and the spine because the closer to the bones, the more painful it would have resulted. 

Leo nodded. His lips were sealed in a thin line, his eyes closed. 

Niles looked again at the reference and then, with one last sigh, he let the knife carve the first line. A tremor passed through Leo’s body as he dragged the blade down, but no sound escaped his mouth. The cut was thin and superficial, so just a small trickle of blood dripped from it. “Milord we can still…”

“Shut up and go on Niles!”

Niles bit his tongue and obeyed. He tried to tell himself that this was not different from what he had done countless times before but it didn't work. He had no desire to hurt his lord so he could not take pleasure in it in the slightest. As the cuts littered Leo’s skin, glowing and then cicatrizing as he had said, the only thing he wanted was to kiss the wounds in a wordless apology. Instead he stuck to his liege’s orders, hurting himself along with him. 

By the time he had carved half of the runes Leo was trembling and breathing hard, his cheeks a deep red from the combined efforts of pain and magic. 

“Do you want to take a break, milord?” he asked.

“Not if you don’t need one. The sooner we end this, the better” he panted, his voice husky and unsteady.

Niles couldn't help but wonder if that was how Leo sounded and looked like while in pleasure too. He knew by experience that a lot of time the two were very similar. 

He took a shaky breath. It was wrong for him to think about Leo that way, especially in the current situation, and yet it was wrong for him to hurt him too and there they were.

He proceeded with the second half of the runes, on the other side of Leo’s back. He was as eager to finish as the other but forced himself to stay in check. He couldn't allow himself to rush it and make mistakes. “It’s almost finished, milord.”

Leo nodded and opened his mouth to reply just as Niles cut his skin again. Instead of words, a breathy moan escaped his lips. 

Niles gripped the knife harder. It had been a soft and sweet sound, one that Niles really wished had been elicited in another way. He was probably going to remember it forever.

Focus, he told himself.

When the last rune was carved and sealed by Leo’s magic, Niles took one step back to admire his work. He decided it didn't look bad at all. The runes could pass as fancy decorations and probably would have been even better once the blood was cleaned. He was relieved he had managed to do to a good job, even better than what he had expected.

He took a white handkerchief from the desk and removed the blood from the blade, then washed his hands again. “It’s done” he announced.

Leo took a long breath and deactivated the ritual. 

Drying his hands on his shirt, Niles carefully approached his lord. “Come. You haven’t lost a lot of blood but you should sit while I clean you up.”

Leo nodded, then ignored his hand and stood on his own. Of course, Niles was there to catch him when his knees gave in on the first step. His wound hurt as he stopped Leo from falling but he ignored it. “So stubborn.”

Leo laced his arms around his neck, trembling. “ The ritual took a lot of magic, it wore me out.”

“Of course.”

Being careful not to touch the runes, Niles helped Leo up and had him sit on the bed. “I’ll get some water and clean towels” he said, but when he made to get up, Leo didn't let him go. He even held him closer, hiding his face in his shoulder. Niles’ heart skipped a beat. “Milord?”

“I thought you were dead” Leo whispered after a long moment. 

“I am not dead.”

Leo let out a shaky breath. “I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought I was going to lose you and I didn't know what to do. If only I had foreseen the battle correctly nothing would have happened. It was my fault you almost died.”

Not knowing what to do in front of that sudden confession, Niles hesitantly hugged Leo back, hoping he couldn't feel his heart hammering and twisting. “ You didn't lose me, milord.”

“I understand that protecting me is your job and therefore I cant ask you not to do something like that ever again, that’s why I’m making sure you don’t have to.”

As if to emphasize that that was the end of the conversation, Leo gently pushed them apart and then moved a little further from him. He didn't look at Niles, keeping his eyes down as he tormented his hands in his lap. His cheeks were still flushed and his hair clinged to his forehead in a sticky mess. His face bore the signs of pain and exhaustion and his eyes were wet with unshed tears. Despite everything, Niles still found him unbearably beautiful.

“Go get the water and the towels” he commanded, but Niles didn’t move.

“I don’t deserve this” he said. 

That made Leo look at him. He wondered how much of the storm of feelings that was wrecking him from the inside showed on his face. “I don’t deserve this care and your tears. I am worthless trash. No one should be upset over me, especially you who already gifted me with so much. The only way I can be useful to you and pay you back for your kindness is by protecting you with my life. Dying in your place would have been an honor…”

“Shut up!” Leo interrupted. “Why do you always have to talk like this? Can’t you see that every time you degrade yourself to nothing you break my heart? You are not trash, Niles, on the contrary: you are my priceless treasure and I don't want you to think that the only purpose of your life is being my servant. You are so much more than that”

Niles had to look away to hide his face. “Milord is… too kind” he said, but his voice unsteady and full of sentiment. A treasure? Him? That couldn't possibly be. And yet Leo had looked really hurt by his words and no way he would admit something of that caliber if he wasn't being sincere. 

“Just promise me you will stop thinking that you’re worthless and that you’re only purpose is dying for me” Leo said.

“I promise I’ll try. Is that enough, milord?” 

Leo thought about it for a moment. “For now” he concluded.

There was a long moment of silence in which Niles was torn on whether to ask one last heavy question or not. Leo could have easily avoided it if he wanted, but Niles had the feeling that if there was a time in which Leo would have answered him honestly, it was then. After all that they had already confessed to each other that day, was it not fair to get to the bottom of it all? Niles felt like he was going to regret it later if he didn't go for it in that moment. He needed to know. “Why are you doing this, milord? Why do you care so much?” 

Leo fell silent for so long that he thought he wasn't going to answer, but in the end he seemed to force the words out. “You really don’t know?” he asked.

That could have meant anything. “I am not sure.”

Leo looked conflicted for a moment, then spoke without looking at him. “I just can’t accept that you think so low of yourself when you are so important to me. I don’t want you to throw away your life for me thinking it a good death because it wouldn't be, not for me. I wouldn't know what to do if you died on me. I…”

He took a shaky breath, then he suddenly looked determined, as if he had made up his mind about what he was going to say. “No, I want to tell you the truth. You already almost died without knowing how I feel, I won’t waste another second hesitating” he said, to himself more than Niles, and then looked at him dead in the eye and spoke firmly. “It’s because I love you, Niles.”

Niles felt like he was petrified. That was the answer he had secretly hoped for, but at the same time it was so unbelievable. What could someone as extraordinary as Leo find in him? He was nothing, despite all his lord could say. 

“I know what you’re thinking” Leo said, interrupting his thoughts. He slowly moved closer and took his hand in his. “Whatever reason you’re finding to prove this feeling wrong, it doesn't matter. The only thing that’s important is if you feel the same for me.”

“Gods if I do.”

Leo smiled, relieved. “Then what are you waiting for? Kiss me, you fool.”

Niles felt like his heart was about to explode when he cupped Leo’s cheek with his free hand and closed the distance between them. He had never felt so glad to be alive like in that moment.

He pressed his lips on Leo’s lightly, as if he was afraid to scare him away. When he withdrew, Leo followed after him for another kiss, then another, and another. 

It was obvious that Leo had never kissed anyone before so Niles guided him, deepening the kiss but keeping it slow and calm. That was not the proper moment to abandon themselves to passion: a lot had happened in the past few hours, tiring them both physically and emotionally. There would have been time to explore this new side of their relationship in the future and that thought made him even more happy. 

He could feel Leo’s exhaustion in the feeble grip he had on his shoulders and in the way he leaned on him. Even his self-control was growing weaker and the tears that he had withheld until that moment fell on his cheeks. This time, Niles was able to raise a hand to dry them. He couldn't believe Leo really cried at their reunion like he had imagined. This had to be a dream, yes, he was definitely imagining all this bliss.

Leo smiled again when they parted, this time shyly, and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry, I just had wanted this for so long” he said.

Niles felt a fond smile find his way to his lips. “Me too.”

They looked at each other for a moment, then Leo gently pushed him away. “You should get those towels.”

Niles quickly stole one last kiss from him before doing as he was asked. He then proceeded to wash away the dried blood from Leo’s back. “Do they hurt?”

“A little, but nothing I can’t endure. Are they ugly?”

“Not at all” he answered. “Do you want me to bring you a mirror so you can see them?”

“Maybe tomorrow. I just want to sleep now.” 

When Niles got up to put the towels and the water away, Leo dragged himself under the convers, laying on his side. “Come here?”

Niles slowly made his way back to the bed and laid beside Leo, letting him rest his head on his shoulder. “Are you sure you want me to sleep here?” he asked, but Leo didn't answer him. Either he already fell asleep or he simply didn't want to. 

That had been another one of those nights where sleep had eluded him completely, and the first one he hadn’t been bothered by it because Leo was beside him.

***

With a happy smile on his face, Niles finally gave in to the temptation of brushing the scars lightly with his fingers. Not only that but he kissed them one by one, still amazed by the fact that his lord’s skin bore such evident marks left by his hand. He knew he was going to wake up Leo eventually if he kept at it, but it was hard to care when the memories had filled his heart with so much love and sentiment. 

“Mmm… what are you doing?” Leo mumbled after a moment, stirring under his touch and turning again towards him. 

“I’m sorry I woke you, love. I couldn't sleep and I was just… thinking back about the day I gave you those scars.”

Leo half-opened one eye, hazy with sleep. “What about it?”

“It’s a fond memory for me.”

Leo paused and then moved a little closer so he could touch the long, white scar that seated on his torso. Just as he had done, he kissed it softly. “For me it’s more like a terrible memory with a very good ending.”

“It brought us together though.”

Leo chuckled. “I can think of at least a dozen ways we could have ended up together without you almost dying in the process.”

“Oh? Those are a lot of scenarios. Please do tell, I’m curious.”

Leo made a tired noise and yawned. “Maybe in the morning. You can afford napping during the day but I have duties, you know?”

He turned his back to him again, to tell him the conversation was over.

“Of course.”

Niles hugged him from behind, drawing him to his chest. It was hot, but none of them seemed to care. As their scars touched, Niles could feel their hearts beating together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> You can find me on twitter at @arghenthia


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